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May 31, 2011

Flicks: Blackenstein (1973)

Blackenstein axing his self the existential question: Why am I here foe?

Crackenstein axes his self the perennial existential question: Why is I here, foe?

Ladies and Jerklemen, with a deep sense of heartfelt pride, I present to you William A. Levy's one-of-a-kind journey into classic B minus film-making...Blackenstein!

In the funky, soulful 70's, when Eddie Turner (Joe DeSue) returns from Vietnam minus his arms and legs, Dr. Winnifred Walker (Ivory Stone) appeals to her former teacher Nobel Prize winner Dr. Stein (played by John Hart) for help. Luckily, Dr. Stein has been tinkering about with a mysterious new substance he calls DNA. He happily accommodates the couple by growing Eddie some new arms and legs in a big-ass vat of the futuristic goo. Not bad, eh, manlings?

Blackenstein (1973)

If only the actual movie made as much sense as these jangled film stills.

Somehow, the experiment unexpectedly goes awry. Eddie promptly sprouts a square afro, dons ankle boots, and lurches out into the night in order to awkwardly cop feels from random women. The last half hour is virtually incoherent. However, Levy's career didn't suffer greatly after this film and he went on to make Wham, Bam, Thank You Spaceman (1975) two years later.

This film is so, so, so, so bad you'll need to turn up the 23 minute version of Pink Floyd's "Carefull With That Axe Eugene" a lot louder than usual. It helps.

IMDB, Blackenstein
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