Flicks: Madhouse (1974)

Madhouse: "Lights, Camera... Murder!".

Horror movie legend Vincent Price stars with Peter Cushing in Jim Clark's Madhouse. It's an interesting film for horror movie historians due the large amount of references to previous films made by B-movie moguls American International Pictures (AIP).

Price as Paul Toombes is, much like in real-life, famous for playing "Dr. Death," (read as "Doctor Phibes") yet he suffers a nervous breakdown before going to England to do a TV series. After his release from years in a state sanitarium, Toombes takes on a new role, however, the cast and crew of the new picture begin to die in ways that suggest scenes from Toombes's films (represented here with Price's American International efforts, including The Haunted Palace, The Pit and the Pendulum, Tales of Terror, The Raven, Scream and Scream Again, and House of Usher). Each murder points to Dr. Death - but Toombes must find and confront the real killer, before he becomes the next victim!

Madhouse director Jim Clark is much more well known today as one of the best film Editors in the business. His credit's include Marathon Man (1976), The Memphis Belle (1990) and The World Is Not Enough (1999) with Pierce Bronson.

References:
IMDB, Madhouse (1974)
IMDB, Jim Clark
Wikipedia, Madhouse (1974 film)
British Horror Films, Madhouse

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Flicks: Death Machines (1976)

In futuristic 1976 America robot programs you - TO DIE!

In Death Machines, a mysterious Asian "Dragon Lady" injects three martial artists with a even more mysterious serum that turns them into robot-like assassins. The Japanese actress (one-time day-player Mari Honjo) was unable to speak English very well at the time. That combined with the fact she read all her lines (in English) from a cue card made for some rather entertaining cinema.

It gets even more fun. The three pseudo-mechanical killers, credited as White Death Machine (Ronald L. Marchini), Black Death Machine (Joshua Johnson) and Asian Death Machine (Michael Chong), go about assassinating strangers with brutal efficiency using trucks, bull-dozers and even a frickin' bazooka. Yes, a frickin' bazooka.

The stunts and action shots are actually very intense - the movie's only real credit to the Second Unit led by director Paul Kyriazi who went on to give the world such gems as Ninja Busters (1984) and Richard Pryor's One Way Out (1986).

References:
IMDB, Death Machines (1976)
Tenebrous Empire, Death Machines!
Paul Kyriazi.com, Audiobooks

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Flicks: Valentine (2001)

The lost art of the shocker film trailer returns - unexpectedly!

Denise Richards, star of Valentine (2001), is hot in that All American Girl way. All physically over-developed and squeezed into her faded denim jeans like she poured her soft, pillowy yet tone buns in them on a sunny summer afternoon. That kind of hot.

Adapted in the typical "fast-and-loose" Hollyweird style from the best-selling first novel by Tom Savage and directed by Jimmie Blanks (Urban Legend (1998) and Machete Maidens Unleashed (2010)) the film struggles to find the creepy connection between five former preppie hu-mon females who all receive bizarre Valentine's Day cards from a mysterious psycho.

Little do they know (or remember apparently) that the Melvin they each melvined at a Valentine's Day high school dance in 1988 has returned with a evil looking mask and a gleeful hankering for yuppie blood in 2001! Not such a great movie but based on a good book!

References:
IMDB, Valentine (2001)
IMDB, Jimmie Blanks

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Flicks: The Gerber Syndrome (2011)

In post-Apocalyptic Italy, everyone can hear you scream!

Italian horror films occupy a special place in yer ol' pal The Sleaze-A-Saurus's ventricle gland. Good Italian horror films are very hu-mon responses to cruelty and inhumane mania that have been prominently featured in the films of Dario Argento (Suspira, Deep Red), Antonio Margheriti (aka Tony Flowers, Anthony Bloom - Cannibal Apocalypse, Flesh for Frankenstein) and Lucio Fulci (Zombie franchise, The New York Ripper).

Today newcomer Maxi Dejoie, who wrote and directed The Gerber Syndrome, encapsulates this cultural mania in a disease called Gerber's Syndrome, a type of fast-spreading and incurable illness that makes it's victims develop a kind of homicidal rabies.

Shot in the updated cinema-verite (raw theater) in faux documentary form the movie follows the Syndrome as it spreads like wild fire into an Italian city where the main characters are forced to confront this new plague.

References:
IMDB, The Gerber Syndrome (2011)
Quiet Earth, Sci-Fi London Review
List Mania, Italian Horror Film Directors

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Flicks: Gamera 3: The Revenge Of Iris (1999)

So I like 500-foot-tall toortles. Sue me, already.

Now that all annual hu-mon festivities have concluded for this portion of the pathetically inaccurate Earthling "year" it is time to get back to doing what the Blender does best - watching terrible movies with his growing gang of manling pals on the Internet.

Gamera is an unlikely Godzilla clone from 1965. There are only two things that anyone needs to about the original "Showa" era Gamera. ONE, the giant toortle emerged from, of all the frickin places, Antarctica. And TWO, he used to suck. And I mean Gamera used to suck in the way that only Twilight and True Blood fans come close to resembling. In that typically shallow, dim-witted and narcissistic way that makes Erkel look like "Downtown" Jackie Brown. O.G. Gamera sucked bad. Get me?

In the 90's, Studio Daiei revived the series in a spectacular way. No longer was Gamera a Godzilla rip-off but a series in it's own right. Cutting edge effects/FX incorporated brand spanking new CG imagery to allow Gamera to fly minus the clunky strings and to shoot fire at an astonishing realistic clip. The models improved drastically. By The Revenge in 1999, the traditional kiddie market for kaiju was nearly forgotten by the film-makers, and giving this "Hesei" era series a horrifying and gruesome new life leading into the Millenial era to come.

A total of three amazing Gamera flicks, all directed by Shusuke Kaneko (Death Note) were released from 1995 to 1999: Gamera: Guardian of the Universe, Gamera 2: Attack of Legion and Gamera 3: The Revenge Of Iris. Iris is regarded as one of the finest films of the late Hesei era.

In 2010, the Blu-Ray contains a deep commentary with actors and the award-winning of the now defunct ADV (Super Milk Chan) crew who dubbed the English version of the film.

References:
IMDB, Gamera 3: The Revenge Of Iris (1999)
Wikipedia, Gamera: Guardian Of The Universe
Wikipedia, Gamera 3: The Awakening Of Irys

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Slash-Mess Day 0: Savage Sisters! (1974)

These three ladies mean business, brother!

Scary Slash-Mess to all! So, you've managed to make it this far into Slash-Mess, eh, puny hu-mon? The Sleaze-A-Saurus is most impressed with your above average tolerance to exploitation cinema.

As a deviation from your ridiculous culture's pastime of watching cheap simulations of dainty fe-male hu-mons being raped and tortured The Sleaze-A-Saurus presents fe-male hu-mons kicking the asses of the males of your species in: Savage Sisters! (1974).

References:
IMDB, Savage Sisters (1974)
Score Film, Savage Sisters (1974)

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Slash-Mess Day 1: Women's Prison Massacre (1983)

Emmanuel Goes To Hell - pretty much the only thing she didn't do in the movie series.

Softcore meets WIP in Women's Prison Massacre - an "Emmanuelle" movie in disguise. Women's Prison Massacre stars the sultry brunette from the Emmanuel series, Laura Gemser. Gemser is a beautiful woman of Indonesian descent who is today an Italian citizen who starred in 57 movies during her career from 1974-1994. The Emanuelle series included: Emanuelle's Daughter (1980), Emanuelle and the Last Cannibals (1977), Emanuelle in America (1977), and Black Emanuelle (1975).

Gemser, who also was a costume designer for 12 motion pictures, retired from movies in 1994.

References:
IMDB, Emanuelle fuga dall'inferno (1969)
Snake Plissken's Haus, Women's Party Massacre (1983)
Planet Terror, Women's Prison Massacre (1983)
Brian's Drive-In, Women's Prison '83

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Slash-Mess Day 2: Love Camp 7 (1969)

In the wild, wild world of WIP/Naziploitation films the first casualty is the audience's patience for lousy scripts.

One of what U.K. government film censors declared bad enough to labeled as a "Video Nasty", making it banned in Britain in the 1980's, was also considered so bad that in 2002 the British Board Of Film Classification (BBFC) refused to even rate it for a DVD re-release! All of this aside, the flick is widely regarded one as the first of the sub-genres of women-in-prison (WIP) and nazisploitation movies. It was directed by the late, great Lee Frost (writer of the Thing With Two Heads, director of Black Gestapo) and written by Wes Bishop (co-star of Chain Gang Women).

The movie is a cult classic and represents the beginning of a series of exploitation films about women in prison in the 1970's, such as Women in Cages (1971) and The Big Bird Cage (1972), both of which made Pam Grier's career in the genre. It is also the first in the Nazi exploitation (or Nazisploitation) genre of concentration camp movies, that includes Canadian Ilsa: She-Wolf of the SS (1974) which was produced by David F. Friedman (Something Weird Video co-founder) and led to several sequels with Dyanne Thorne as the titular character, the Italian Nazi Love Camp 27 (1977) and Last Orgy of the Third Reich (1977).

References:
IMDB, Love Camp 7 (1969)
Wikipedia, Love Camp 7
Stomp Tokyo, Love Camp 7 (1969)
Dead Duck, Lee Frost's Love Camp
Score Film, Love Camp

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Slash-Mess Day 3: Chain Gang Women (1971)

Life sure is different on a chain gang - for one: there's a chain.

Despite the all-around awesome title this not a women-in-prison or "WIP" movie. In fact, there isn't a single women in the movie until damn near the halfway point of this awful hicksploitation film that was written by the late, great Lee Frost (writer of The Thing With Two Heads, director of Black Gestapo).

Chain Gang Women (1971) is basically Cool Hand Luke as shot by cornpone meth heads with a thing for poorly staged rape scenes. The first 30 minutes are set in a boring country prison with two hammy convicts that escape when the lone lard-ass sheriff guarding their group of dangerous convicts is attacked on said chain gang.

The two escapees are a classic odd couple with one being a model prisoner with a 6 month sentence for Marajuana named "Weed" and the other a desperate hyper-horny thug doing life for Rape and Murder, Coleman, played by Wes Bishop. The two take to the "Georgia" countryside (SoCal of course) and while on the lam they manage to stage a few awkward, but also grimy, grope fests with the only two unsuspecting hu-mon women in the entire film.

References:
IMDB, Chain Gang Women (1971)
Blogo Trasho, But There Ain't No Women In Chain Gang Women, Boss

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