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April 15, 2011

Flicks: Puppet Master (1989)

Trailer courtesy of Frightasm Films.

In the 13-page-long Rant Against Animal Snuff from earlier this week the Sleaze-A-Saurus may have suggested 80-year-old Jess Franco be roughed up for a movie he made 30 years ago. Maybe it's time to get back to B-movie reviews?

Puppet Master (1989), released direct-to-video by Full Moon Pictures, is the tale of mystic and magician Andre Toulon's happy-go-lucky creations in which he imbued the ability to make sequel after sequel. During the eight films that followed the original Puppet Master the puppets did what they did best: killing Yuppies and snuffing Nazis.

Toulon's methodology involves harvesting his victims' glands and reducing them into a kind of pea soup. This green goop enables his puppets to busy themselves wiping out phony psychics (I), yuppies (I, II), scumbags (IV) and evil Nazi douches (III) in one whacky misunderstanding after another. Oh, the hilarity!

Puppetmaster (1989)
Blade has the face of Klaus Kinski, bullets for eyes AND he's still single? WTF, ladies?

Attention to craftsmanship and animation is very impressive considering Full Moon's sometimes iffy reputation (Trancers, Evil Bong). Full Moon is the same company that confronted the world with Tim Thomerson in Doll Man (1990) and recently launched Gingerdead Man 2: Passion of the Crust (2009) onto the indie film circuit.

Another reason Puppetmaster is an unusually good B-movie series is, according to research by T.L. Bugg of The Lightning Bug's Lair more talent than usual was involved in the films by way of puppeteer David Allen (I-V) who was later nominated for an Oscar for his work on Young Indiana Jones and the cinematography of Sergio Salvati who previously worked with Italian gorehouse film-maker Lucio Fulci.

However, big hair and bitchin' mullets threaten to choke the rest of the movies to death in this, the first of the Puppetmaster films. Let us now bow our heads, remembering those brave puppets who gave their lives fighting the evil forces of Yuppies and National Socialism:

Puppet Master Puppets
Jester Films Biography
Whaddya mean you don't like clowns? I-X, PM vs. DT Before he became a puppet Jester was a man named Hans Seiderman, a bookkeeper who loved to play pranks and tell jokes - which ended up giving him Gestapo lead poisoning. Jester wanted to kill Yuppies and Nazis, but sadly, he was only armed with pathos and rubber chickens.
Blade Films Biography
Blade I-X, PM vs. DT Blade has the soul of Dr. Hess, a Gestapo scientist. He was armed with a four-inch knife for a right hand and a hook for his left - perfect for making-out with chicks or just tidying up around the house. Blade was used to kill Yuppies and Nazis under various puppet masters.
Leech Woman Films Biography
The love of a Leech Woman is a red red rose. I-X Leech Woman was Andre Toulon's wife Elsa Toulon. Elsa was murdered by a Nazi Major named Krause when she tried to stop the Nazis from kidnapping Andre and his puppets. As Leech Woman, she was incinerated by a hillbilly but miraculously returned in III, without explanation, to kill more Yuppies and Nazis. With leeches.
Pinhead Films Biography
Pinhead right before he got his PHD I-X Before he became a puppet, Pinhead was a German man named Herman Strauss, a truck driver who secretly brought food to the Jewish ghettos. As a result, he was killed by Nazis. As a puppet, Pinhead was incredibly strong but not so bright. Pinhead was used to kill Yuppies and Nazis under various puppet masters.
Tunneler Films Biography
75% Off All Lobodomies I-X Before Tunneler became a puppet with a drill on top of his head he was a regular type US GI. Tunneler was inhabited by the ghost of an American Soldier who was captured and forced to work in the salt mines by the Nazis. After his conversion to a puppet, Tunneler was used to kill Yuppies and Nazis under various puppet masters.
Torch Films Biography
II, V, VIII Torch is a souless puppet built in II by a re-animated Andre Toulon. When Touon appeared to abandon the puppets Torch betrayed Toulon and set him on fire. Torch is an executioner who was used to kill Yuppies and Nazis under various puppetmasters.

The Puppet Master series includes ten movies and a VS film.

  • Puppet Master (1989)
  • Puppet Master II (1990)
  • Puppet Master III: The Toy's Revenge (1991) set in WWII Germany
  • Puppet Master IV (1993)
  • Puppet Master V: The Final Chapter (1994) which was of course followed by...
  • The Curse of The Puppet Master (VI) (1998)
  • ...the truly bizarre Retro Puppet Master (VII) (1998)
  • Legacy of Puppet Master (VIII) (2003)
  • Puppet Master vs Demonic Toys (2004)
  • Puppet Master IX: Axis of Evil (2010)
  • Puppet Master X: Axis Rising (2012)

Wikipedia, Puppetmaster
IMDb, Puppetmaster (1989)
IMDb, Gingerdead Man 2: Boogaloo Sold Separately
Lightnin' Jack's Spooge Pile, Pulls My Strings, Baby!
Ween.net, Puppet Master Movie Clips
Stoner Movies, Curse of The Yuppies

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