Flicks: Northville Cemetery Massacre (1976)

"Born misfits" versus Johnny Law in the mid-70's biker epic: Northville Cemetery Massacre!

Of all the nations on the pathetic blue sphere called Earth, there is only one nation of manlings that the Sleaze-A-Saurus begrudgingly respects. That nation, one which never pauses long enough to assess it's own rabid behavior in order to properly clean the gore from it's own blood-soaked foreclaws, is called The United States.

A loose conglomerations of individual states, the U.S. is brought together by it's mutual admiration of lethal weaponry and corrupt business practices. The states are steeped in a culture of suicidal blunders, homicidal rage and the ever-presence of murderous technology. Technology that is readily available even to it's smallest younglings. America is indeed the Great.

No movie captures a nationalized frenzied bloodlust exhibited by an entire country better than Northville Cemetery Massacre (1976) co-directed by William Dear in his directorial debut.

Strangely enough, this movie did not end Mr. Dear's film career. In fact, it launched him into an almost 30 year run of feature film direction. This long list includes made for TV movies Garry Shandling: Alone in Vegas (1984) and Journey To The Center Of The Earth (1993), feature film Angels In The Outfield (1994), directing Emmy winning nature documentarian Marty Stouffer's sons in Wild America (1997), Mr. Troop Mom (2009) with George Lopez and the upcoming Midnight Rider (2013) written by Marty Stoufer.

References:
IMDb, Northville Cemetery Massacre (1976)
IMDb, William Dear

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Slash-Mess Day Six: Fire And Ice (1983)

The creator of the first X-rated cartoon and the master of all comic arts create Fire And Ice (1983).

A cartoon on the 'Blender? And during the unholy holiday of Slash-Mess!?! WTF... Unprecedented! But, yes, it is true O scale-less manlings. The Sleaze-A-Saurus has an unquestionable rationale for posting Fire and Ice (1983)... Two of 'em actually. Two 1970's era art masters.

First, may I present to you, Mr. Ralph Bakshi. Bakshi is the infamous director and animator of underground classics including Heavy Metal, Wizards and the world first X-rated cartoon, Fritz The Cat. His work was at once breath-taking in it's artistry and also disturbing due to the heavy amounts of brutal inhuman violence, nudity and an obvious irreverence for Establishment thought.

Bakshi's leadership and vision is emblematic of the creator driven, original approach that has shaped so much entertainment today. In animation, The Simpsons and Ren and Stimpy are the result of one man's personal drive to realize an original idea. This is definitely not the case with mainstream animation as Disney and Warner Brothers idea is to create a uniform product with a broad appeal - a cookie cutter approach devoid of substance. It is an approach to animation that has dominated the entertainment industry for 100 years outside of indie or underground animation.

The second master artist involved in Fire and Ice was the late Mr. Frank Frazetta. Frazetta became a legend in his own lifetime for his brilliant work and prolific output. His art in comics, illustration and fine art is unparalelled. His attention to detail and ferocity of his subject matter has contributed to the art form. Frazetta's work raised comics and illustration up to a level not outside the scope of fine art.

Due to Frazetta's original, fine arts driven and action oriented approach to comics and art there are wave after wave of incredible artists working in the mainstream comics industry after he blazed a trail to prove that unusual and original work can find a broad following.

Please, scaleless manlings, enjoy the culmination of these two masters collaboration in... Fire and Ice!

References:
IMDB, Fire And Ice (19830
Wikipedia, Frank Frazetta
Frank Frazetta Museum, Home

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Flicks: The Ninja Squad (1986)

Rule #1 of Ninjitsu: always wear a head band stating you are, indeed, a ninja.

The Ninja Squad (1986) star Richard Harrison (not that one) is famous for two things. Number One, as being rumored during his time as a extra in Italy to suggest Clint Eastwood to Sergio Leone when the famed director was looking for a lead in "A Fistful of Dollars" in 1964. And, Number Two, as acting or starring in 17 unbelievably awful ninja-sploitation films from 1984 to 1988 sometimes starring eight films in one year.

These sixteen movies start with Ninja Thunderbolt (1984), then Ninja Champion (#1) and Ninja Holocaust(#2) both made in 1985. Some say a Holocaust would be enough to stem the tide of Harrison's ninja themed roles yet at the end of 1985 came Ninja Terminator (#3), another Hong Kong release exploiting the title from James Cameron's The Terminator from 1984 and nothing else.

Actually Ninja Terminator is regarded today as something of a camp classic. The over-the-top dramatic dialogue unfailingly illicits unexpected howls of laughter. "You betray the ninja empire?! Why did you no that, you reckon?" In what part of China is "reckon" a popular expression? Seriously. Someone needs to get back to me on this.

Harrison continued with his fifth ninja foray in Ninja Hunt(#4), our current feature Ninja Squad (#5) and Ninja Dragon (#6) all released in 1986. In 1987, Harrison went on to do Cobra vs. Ninja (#7), Hands of Death (#8), Ninja Operation: Licensed to Terminate (#9), Ninja Avengers (#10), Ninja Commandments (#11), Ninja Kill (#12), The Ninja Showdown (#13) and Ninja: Silent Assassin (#14) while also finding time to star in Hitman the Cobra a Chinese WWII period anti-Japanese film.

In 1988, Harrison starred in Ninja Powerforce (#14), Ninja Strike Force (#15) and The Power of Ninjitsu (#16) before making his final ninja themed movie Diamond Ninja Force (#17) the same year.

References:
IMDB, The Ninja Squad (1986)
IMDB, Richard Harrison

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Flicks: Universal Soldier (1992)

In 1992 the American action movie meant inflicting some serious Van Damage.

Jean-Claude Van Damme. The man has made 51 movies and counting including a starring role in the upcoming Expendables sequel with Sylvester Stallone, Bruce Willis and Arnold Schwarzenegger.

His roles in Cyborg (1989), Bloodsport (1988), Kickboxer (1989) and Streetfighter (1994) made him a name as a martial artist and actor - albeit minus the cocksure charisma of Paul Newman or James Dean - there was something in his grin and attitude that kept selling movie tickets and DVD's for 25 years.

Universal Soldier (1992) was directed by Roland Emmerich (Godzilla 1998) who presented this definitive American action movie while the genre was still at the height of popularity.

Van Damme and Dolph Lundgren play archenemies from beyond the grave in this action film. During the Vietnam War, Luc (Van Damme), hoping to be sent home, comes upon blood-crazy Scott (Lundgren), who is starting a one-man genocide program. When Luc tries to stop Scott's carnage, Scott fights back and they end up killing each other. But now the government gets involved, cryogenically freezing their corpses and using their bodies in a secret government project call "UniSols" - turning the dead men into android fighting machines.

Luc and Scott are now metallic fighting members of a robot SWAT team. But Luc begin to have flashbacks to the final moments of his life in Vietnam, as does Scott, who recalls that one of his final thoughts was to kill Luc.

Meanwhile, a snoopy reporter named Veronica (the sexy Ally Walker) stumbles upon the secret of the UniSols, and soon Luc is trying to save both himself and Veronica from the wrath of Scott, who is trying to kill them both. All of the action culminates in a wild chase between a prison bus and a UniSols van, racing around hairpin turns on desert precipices.

There are many sequels, including two tv movies, and a fourth theatrical installment in post-production. These titles are: Universal Soldier II: Brothers in Arms (1998), Universal Soldier III: Unfinished Business (1998), the direct-to-video w/out Jean Claude but with Burt Reynolds, Universal Soldier: The Return (1999). 10 years later Universal Soldier: Regeneration (2009) returned with Jean Claude. The next installment due is Universal Soldier IV: Day of Reckoning (2012).

References:
IMDB, Universal Soldier (1992)
IMDB, Jean Claude Van Damme
Wikipedia, Universal Soldier (1992 film)
IGN, Magnet Announces Universal Solider IV: Day of Reckoning

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Flicks: Death Machines (1976)

In futuristic 1976 America robot programs you - TO DIE!

In Death Machines, a mysterious Asian "Dragon Lady" injects three martial artists with a even more mysterious serum that turns them into robot-like assassins. The Japanese actress (one-time day-player Mari Honjo) was unable to speak English very well at the time. That combined with the fact she read all her lines (in English) from a cue card made for some rather entertaining cinema.

It gets even more fun. The three pseudo-mechanical killers, credited as White Death Machine (Ronald L. Marchini), Black Death Machine (Joshua Johnson) and Asian Death Machine (Michael Chong), go about assassinating strangers with brutal efficiency using trucks, bull-dozers and even a frickin' bazooka. Yes, a frickin' bazooka.

The stunts and action shots are actually very intense - the movie's only real credit to the Second Unit led by director Paul Kyriazi who went on to give the world such gems as Ninja Busters (1984) and Richard Pryor's One Way Out (1986).

References:
IMDB, Death Machines (1976)
Tenebrous Empire, Death Machines!
Paul Kyriazi.com, Audiobooks

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Actresses: Kelly Hu

Sexy Chinese Actress Kelly Hu has been in 77 films and counting.

In a category set at a high bar, actress Kelly Hu is seriously close to perfection. An actress and a model w/V.O. credits and roles on many hit TV shows Kelly Hu began working in TV as far back as Growing Pains and Night Court in the 1980's.

Hu, like many Chinese actresses in American movies, appear almost perfect and poised with classically chiseled porcelain features, such as the flawless Ziyi Zhang. She reflects the best of the Middle Kingdom's culture such as devotion, intelligence and presence-of-mind but is highly feminine and sensitive in a way many American women are not.

The Sleaze-A-Saurus strongly insists that is the fault of Western culture to de-valuate grace and beauty in favor of brutishness and boorishness. Actresses like Kelly Hu will always serve as an interesting comparison to Lady Doo Doo (Gaga) and Britney Spears as the peaks of two rival cultures!

References:
IMDB, Kelly Hu
Asian-Americans.com, Actresses