Flicks: Apocalypse LA (2014) aka Yuppies Whine For Hours

Look-out, Zombie Apocalypse! Here comes five whining yuppies with big time complaints.

Apocalypse LA (2014) aka Disaster L.A. aka Yuppies Whine For Hours is another questionable film that has found a home at WB and The Sy-Fy channel. Far from the enjoyably campy, trashy variety of zombie film (Return of The Living Dead) the film is crippled by a cast of bland, unlikable, whining yuppies. The cast seems to draw their inspiration for their roles as survivors by recalling the sheer terror of paper cuts or maybe the deep sorrow of getting their food mixed up with their bros at Taco Bell.

There is an unmistakable lack of character and an inability to commit that is all too apparent in these actors that is troubling to say the very least. It's like having a sheltered and marginally educated person attempt to portray Julius Ceasar - it's not gonna go well at all.

To cripple a decent premise even more (90% of LA are zombies and the city is on fire), writer and director Turner Clay chooses to have his actors whine like small petulant children when faced with overwhelming existential crises such as: picking keys up off the floor, running two blocks, running down stairs, facing stationary enemies, facing off against a handful of zombies, operating a radio and so on.

Much like Skyline (2010) it has really good digital effects but it's stars are terrible. Also, like Skyline, starring the wooden and charisma-less Eric Balfour, the movie is completely and utterly unwatchable. It's like five Eric Balfours got together in their cramped LA apartment and decided that running in circles, while whining, would be a super great idea for a film.

Did I mention the practical effects? Think wet paper towels draped on actor's faces. Think melted Klingon make-up from the 1960's re-purposed for today - 50 years later. The practical effects are so bad that you are almost glad that there are only four or five "zombies" in the entire film. Did I mention the current population of LA is 3.8 million? Kinda makes you wonder how fast the crew ran out of paper towels...

What really makes the movie so bad is that it is done in earnest. There are dozens of heart-to-heart scenes that last just a few seconds and are totally unbelievable. This led to Rotten Tomatoes giving the film a 13% - which is probably far too generous.

Do yourselves a favor and avoid this one at all costs.

References:
IMDb, Disaster L.A. (2014)
Horrornews, Disaster L.A. (2014)
Rotten Tomatoes, Please God Let This Be The Last Zombie Apocalypse Movie

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Slash-Mess Day Eleven: Zombie 108 (2012)

The Zombie Apocalypse strikes Taiwan and all beautiful women survive? That settles it. I'm moving!

What is more infectious than zombie movies? They are being made in Cuba (Juan Of The Dead), The UK (Shaun Of The Dead, The Horde) and even Norway (Snow Dead) by the dozen but the genre actually started as an American production with White Zombie (1932) referencing Haiti's "zombo" and witchcraft related phenomena.

Today, not to be left behind, Taiwan has produced their own modern gem called Zombie 108 (2012). This movie features all the best from it's recent predecessors plus adds the one of the most incredibly sexy creatures on Planet Earth - the long-haired, long legged, brown-eyed, Yvonne Yao.

She is truly beautiful to look upon. And to make this movie even more appealing she is not alone in the beauties featured through out Zombie 108!

The concept of the Asian Woman is long lusted after in the West. Hu-mon males in the Western Hemisphere are known to greatly desire attractive asian females for her physical perfection, thoughtful obedience, willingness to please, trim figure, delicate bearing and rich inner tapestry of emotions. This is a syndrome called "Yellow Fever" and - it is not always fatal.


Winner of the Most Attractive (and also edible) Female Hu-mon for 2012 - the comely Yvonne Yao.

Now, let's do the math. Yellow Fever plus Zombie Fever (fatal) = underground hit!

In this film, the zombie virus strikes the over-populated heart of Taipei already boiling over with a population of 6.9 million people. The Taiwanese Army and SWAT teams attempt to oversee an evacuation but repeatedly fail against the enormous tide of undead, Mad Max styled thugs and good old human panic.

Caught in the middle is Yvonne Yao and her daughter Chloe. They have managed to survive streets and supermarkets full of hungry zombies only to find other survivors that have been maddened by the zombie related-events.

They take refuge in the once trendy, outlying neighborhood of Ximending where a gang of criminals that control the city don't want the police involved in their sanctuary. They are more than happy sniffing mountains of coke off of the trim, naked bodies of dozens of dark haired china dolls. And you know? Who on Earth would blame them?

These gangs attack the police and the military but when both find themselves under attack by zombies there is an alliance as they try and escape from the worst of the zombie plague.

A very interesting, raw feature film directorial debut by Joe Chien who is inventive even in the increasingly "tired" zombie genre. This movie has many good qualities and performances that have made it stand out in this genre.

References:
IMDb, Zombie 108 (2012)
Wikipedia, Taipei
Yvonne Yao.com, Official Actress Blog
Horror Talk, Zombie 108 Review

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Slash-Mess Day Five: Warm Bodies (2013)

Rockers L7 predicted the zombie apocalypse and zombie parodies. I snack you not.

Rob Corddry and John Malkovitch co-star in Warm Bodies (2013) an excellent, original zombie parody due in theaters in February of 2013. This flick comes from an adaptation of Isaac Marion's novel of the same name, Warm Bodies. The book and movie both feature the central character "R" (as in "Arrrrr!") a self-aware zombie who falls in love with a human girl.

"R" played by Nicholas Hoult who played Beast in X-Men First Class (2011) and is also cast as Beast in the next X-Men movie, Days of Future Past due out in 2014, stars as the self-aware and conflicted zombie. Breaking with traditional lore "R"'s love for human woman may be the "cure" for zombies worldwide and not just a hunger pang. Love conquers all and that rot?

Nevertheless, Warm Bodies tears into the cheesy, incredibly bad genre of supernatural romances aimed at 'tweens, tools and spinsters such as the awful Twilight series and spoofs love, life, and eating brains.

This horror movie parody genre is an extremely exploitable genre with not enough notable entries. Shaun Of The Dead (2004) and The Bare Wench Project (1999) being the most popular and original takes on this all too serious genre.

References:
IMDB, Warm Bodies (2013)
Isaac Marion.com, Books
Facebook, Isaac Marion

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Flicks: Cockneys vs Zombies (2012)

Get ready for another brilliant British satire of the Zombie Apocalypse.

Cockneys vs Zombies (2012) is a satirical romp in the vein of Shaun Of The Dead (2004) and features under-educated, city dwelling Londonites known as Cockneys fending off the zombie apocalypse. The film co-stars the remarkable John Ford who starred in the unforgettable role of Brick Top from Guy Ritchie's Snatch in 2000. Ford is at his most verbose and violently charismatic in this role as well.


Skynyrd! Skynyrd! Skynyrd! Skynyrd!

A gang of bank robbers emerge from their first heist to find that the east-end has been infested by zombies. With the equipment to tackle the un-dead in hand, the unlikely heroes fight their way across London to rescue a group of foul-mouthed plucky pensioners who are finding inventive ways of their own to stave off the attack. Starring Michelle Ryan, Harry Treadaway, Honor Blackman, Richard Briers and Alan Ford.

The movie invades select U.K. theaters on August 31st 2012.

References:
IMDB, Cockneys Vs. Zombiesd (2012)
IMDB, Alan Ford
Facebook,Cockneys vs Zombies

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